in.
Applying it then to the minute opening, for such at that age
After dinner, Mrs. Cole, seconded by the young ladies,
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up the whole passage of that soft pleasure-conduit, where
ving a death-like dejection in my countenance and still in
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sincerity of with proofs, and that with so brisk an action
my hands, to kiss me, and once more to make free with my
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and scurvy epilogue: "You are now," says she, "Miss Fanny,
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nothing this long time, but truly I have a call to make up a
rising perception of things in a new and pleasing light, I
should it be but the son of a neighbouring gentleman, as I
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offering all the reparation in his power. It is certain
MADAM
enjoyment, now grew, under the touch and examination of his
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breathing slumber, which stole upon my senses, as they
which, considering our figures and ages, could not have
much shocked as I should have otherwise been with appearances
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folding lips, the softness of which, yielding entry to any
of it perfectly beamy. His face, in the confusion I was in,
self, and all this by way of introduction to a most terrible
of desire, I threw myself on the bed, spread my thighs
hopes of succeeding till he had heard the sudden reverse of
and bolting the door, gave me, tho' I expected him, some
perfect rest and composure, it was not without some dread
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cation seem'd too gross, too flagrant, not to give me some
less lasting effect, and more generally belongs to the fair
ling behind me, with a bundle tied to the end of a stick,
greater occasion to exclaim, by stooping down and slipping
leave a sallow, washy, painted duchess on her own hands, for
ready had it put forth the signs of forwardness in the
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which was more than even I had asked for; man, in general,
sharpest affliction.
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when one day returning to my lodgings from a visit in the
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with more submission than anger, to leave me alone that I
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As soon as he was gone, I felt the usual consequence
in form, for the ceremony of my reception into the sister-
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obey her implicitly; and, to do her justice, I never experi-
a word on either side; a stupid stare was all the face I
gross'd by love, began to take ease, and to please itself
he went, such measures were taken, by Mr. H . . .'s orders,
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of the evenest and whitest teeth. Thus she began:
nothing had happened. I think, however, he had not much to
sensible in her favourite passion, or that I had not seen
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of the country, a very handsome young lad scarce turn'd of
young creature to prison . . ." At the word "prison!" every
ourable gentleman, whose very honourable procuress she had
roll'd up to my waist, I threw myself into such a posture
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swoon, which must have lasted me some time; for I did not
an air indifferent enough, bidding her be a good girl, and
that, floating, swept the stream in a bush of black curls.
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The transported youth devour'd every thing with his eyes,
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the least alteration, outward or inwardly, to the most
I was now once more a-drift, and left upon my own hands,
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that were far from making harmony in the concert of love,
of the clear stream; so that presently stripping, he jump'd
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these girls with so sensible a love and respect for her.
but presume his forgiveness was at no desperate distance;
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scene then in agitation, the actors of which had been too
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their men; and none of that sex was promiscuously admitted,
myself up to the old insipid privy shifts of my self-viewing,
trust to the candour of your judgement, for your allowing
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of her best friends, one of whom she had, according to the
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should have ever known any man but Charles, I would have
urgent struggles of nature towards the melting relief, and
that bid him sweet defiance in dumb-shew, squeezes in the
to their ways; and provided the rent was duly paid, every
par'd for me a warm bath of aromatick and sweet herbs; in
deep scarlet: tongue-tied with joy, rapture, and bashful-
"What shall I say? my emotions of fear and surprize
when I was overtaken by a sturdy country lad who was going to
"Its seems that the circumstance of his going down, or
Cole, was ready with my landlord to receive me, to whom she
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his eyes shut, and short quick breathing, he had yielded
whilst that most sensible part of me disdain'd to content
united, and holding together by the band of common pleasures,
hands. He colour'd, and came within reach of delivering me
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I proceed to give you Louisa's narrative as follows:
owed my ruin.
alike his splitting me farther up, or his withdrawing; I
breeding.
and uneasiness that I thought of what innovation that ten-
necessary outward decency with unbounded secret liberty,
foundation for their living happily together.
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giddy and thoughtless enough to be much easier reconcil'd
as he wav'd his hand in talking, and rais'd my notions of his
for the pleasures I conceiv'd were annexed to it; and now
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of repairing it by their supplements, where my descriptions
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complained, and begg'd him to let me alone; told him I was
ates, that the words JOYS, ARDOURS, TRANSPORTS, EXTASIES,
street door open, and the maid of the house standing at it,
dishabille, the mistress of the academy, and myself. I was
Here, at the first sight of things, I found everything
The sight, however, mov'd him, as he afterwards told me,
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neither resistance nor compliance. I sat stock-still; and
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oily balsamic injection, mixing deliciously with the sluices
with a very good stock, both in money and trade, fancy'd,
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"Here, in tranquillity and innocence, I grew up with-
stances, and without any children by him. As to my natural
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presume to this good company! Thus, however, I arrived at
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the landlady, and that he would return in an hour, when he
exerted, to further his penetration, gain'd him not an inch
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to his palate. Accordingly, without further reflection,
Then the over-flowing water would make a separation between
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"By this time I was so affected by this inward involu-
constitute the passion of love. Yet Will had very good
natured leach, which to cool itself, tenaciously attracts
attributed to me would not have had half the weight of that
us go before him into the dining-room, trembling and dread-
Thus I lay gasping, panting under him, till his broken
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When we had sufficiently graduated our advances towards
to look on this stripling as every way a delicious instrument
mediate vent to them; but, on second thoughts, not being so
with the loss of my senses, and a mad-house.
Most of them had long envied me the affluence and splendour
childish affection, that her own experience might probably
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and stirr'd as I was beyond bearing, I lost all restraint,
into such violent agitations; but, now secure of possession,
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the chamber door, and that of the closet standing a-jar, Mr.
shore. My dreadful necessities, my gratitude, and above
drenched; and neither they, nor the passage into which they
ledge of him.
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the trinkets and articles of dress were lavishly heap'd
his naked glowing beauties, I yielded at length at the
where she had no conveniences to lodge me herself: lodgings
London to see what he could do for himself there, and, like
sion that obeys the will in those parts, but stole my hand
renew'd invasion, which he did not delay an instant: for,
is, however, certain; my heart never thoroughly forgave him
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the first idea of her management and address, in inspiring
They assur'd me that I was so perfectly to their taste
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But Mr. H . . ., who penetrated my uneasiness, did not
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china bowl, the pride and idol of both their hearts; and as
only whilst he fastened the door, he returned with redoubled
my bosom rather more bare than it should be; sometimes my
answer, that he kept up no farther commerce with her of that
stood less upon punctilio with than with these; for instance,
everything.
blooming youth; his hair, which was of a perfect shining
I had now got down at most half a partridge, and three
opened, that suffered so great a dilatation, betray'd any
with all the lustre of dress.
ten'd upon us, resigned us up to the cool cares of insipid
myself that the stock of youth and beauty I was going into
her ordinary business of the house.
. . might probably have been the sole master of it; but
the house, and, at all adventures, took the road to London.
bounded licentiousness; whilst a defiance of awe, modesty or
to go without me; but took particular care to see me safe
with streaks of blood, the marks of the ravage of that montrous
suffer'd him to proceed as he pleased, without check or
ly borne away down the stream, without making back to the
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himself to me, told me he was perfectly acquainted with my
their persons, and unexceptionable in every respect; that
to conduct me to my new lodgings at a brushmaker's in R***
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and the rest of those pathetic terms so congenial to, so
guiding my hand, which he had thrust it into, so as to make
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she presented me as a new boarder, and one that was to be
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without the least design: my pride alone would have guarded
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Amidst all the flutter and emotion which this promise
could wish, he rose to my lips; and glewing his to them, made
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to become a more general good, with all the advantages re-
endear'd him the more to me, and I could have joyfully suf-
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the regular payment of his rent: all the cardinal virtues
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quisite relish, the morsel that so deliciously ingorged it.
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rebellious disorder; but watch'd and overlook'd as I was, how
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thou art; and to-morrow you shall set out, under the charge
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imaginable, which the sun playing upon made the reflection
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tain'd; conforming myself then to this maxim, I consider'd
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respect; and even less than the extreme tenderness which I
and feeling further, meets with, and wonders at, a soft
intolerable heat, my thighs disclose of themselves, and
acquainted me that there was a chapter to be held that night
of alertness. One day that we had dined at an acquaintance's
Resuming now where I broke off in my last, I am in my
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I kept him fast there, as if I had sought to unite bodies
began to perceive that this work was but a paltry shallow
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cry out. But it was too late: he was too firm fix'd in the
He lay on the outside, where he kept the candles burning,
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as to see me again. He had irrevocably pornounc'd my doom,
been, on this as well as other occasions.
an object to me wrought so powerfully upon me, that, in the
street, Covent Garden, the very next door to her own house,
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the design'd disorder of my handkerchief, sufficiently bare,
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once to thank me, and bribe my farther compliance; and soon
fortune that had happen'd to me, on which he had given par-
I had hitherto done; but, withal, there was not the least
do which stood an old crazy beldam, who seeing us trudge by,
me; on which, though reluctantly, he put on his cloaths with
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redoubled violences, I wanted more society, more dissipation.
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tion who it was. The rest you know.
immediately admitted to all the intimacies of the house; upon
what? not the play-thing of a boy, not the weapon of a man,
nothing could be more exquisitely touching; I repeat touch-
something very fatal, was no other than a trick of diving
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very nicely to deny that I loved him.
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kneeled down to (a politeness taught him by love alone,
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as a matter of course after what had pass'd.
over the way, together with a gentlewoman-lodger that occu-
head and ears into the stream I was hurried away by, to
founded was I at having seen him. Condemn'd then to stay
bystander could not have help'd seeing all for love. And
two after, before I could recover myself into any composure
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part, she made no other difference to my staying or going,
that grew fainter and fainter, till at length it died away
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trary reflections. If I now thought of my first, my only
to their centre, made me feel all their wantonness and
gratitude I ow'd him. Thus he gain'd my esteem, though he
idea of despondency.
employ was, after being shewn my lodgings, to bring and
well in the world).
tion of those parts were left in from their late severe
mined about me, he would distinguish between the guilty and
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much spruced out as could be expected from one in his con-
him, for he knew I could not have fallen a-sleep there with-
professedly composes the whole basis. I must therefore
that was out of my reach; thus all only serv'd to enflame
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visited me in) I was in my closet, where my toilet stood, in
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importance. In short, he might pass for what is commonly
rather rais'd more flame than its dry and insignificant
laudable point I had in view, one day that I expected him
The sameness of our sex, age, profession, and views
spurred on by sensations of a strange pleasure, I could not
she found untractable, or unwilling to comply with the rules
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share, for I felt him in my very vitals! I was quite sick
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trade with could hardly fail of procuring me a maintenance,
of coming at the object of my longings, and used to shut
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the violence of the tilt; and soon, too soon indeed! the
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with their uncommon distension, the ringlets press down,
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stood, with joy, that my landlady, whose sight was present
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his travelling equipage. We walk'd by one another for some
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down from my breast to that part of me where the sense of
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time to give up the argument, and that all further de-
saddle for me to compass flinging him, with all the strug-
me which had so long hunger'd for the dear morsel that now
wards it; embolden'd too by my certainty of being at once
as he had kiss'd me, he rolled down the bed-cloaths, and
I could not conceive how, or by what means I could
qualities too; gentle, tractable, and, above all, grateful;
In order then to pave the way for the accomplishment of
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love delights in.
the water, were, with all imaginable respect to truth, those
ventur'd, under the stronger impulse and instructive promp-
opportunity. For my part, a warm whim, a wanton toy had
blabbing them. There is, then, a fatality in love, or have
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less soon perceiv'd this uneasiness, and without approving
finally mighty thrust sheaths it up to the guard; on the in-
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ing those tender globular reservoirs; the magic touch took
Then, without giving me time to reply, he address'd
I was the rare production of the first essay of a journeyman
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acceptance of the good he intended me; then, addressing
country to his father, who was an easy farmer, where he was
I made him now sit down by me, and as he had gather'd
less of it from the most ignorant, I could not help observing
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the impetuosity of motion but encountering him with all
at once to humour their taste of variety in pleasures, and
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and perhaps pre-acquainted with his secret excellencies,
dress, to which a certain spruce neatness seems peculiarly
still, the very circumstance of its being a removal drew
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region of delight, and all the luxurious landscape round it.
that, gathering force from habit and liking, have proved
life enough to reach the green borders of the waterpiece,
force of the present impressions, and he obtained of my
return'd so strong upon me, that I felt it a point of my own
I began to find, in this new acquaintance, from the black
insensibly into the overbearing white. Then her miniature
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soon reconciled to fresh trials, and before morning, nothing
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as yet, gave me any pleasure, or prevail'd over the aversion
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trimness; the fleshy pouting lips that had stood the brunt
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done, his DEAREE gets up, drops her petticoats down, and
new degree of fierceness and insolence; so that finding it
As for poor Will, he was immediately sent down to the
as he was, he did not himself know that the pleasure he took
struck me was in general the dewy lustre of the whitest skin
folds, which form the sides of the passage, wherewith it so
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point of union; but when he backened to come on the fiercer,
coming in made a third, very a-propos for the confusion I
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unresisting condition that he had actually completed his
voice, excus'd me from speaking, very luckily, for I should
very pretty figure, to whom I was to be indebted for the
end which mere momentary desires generally terminate in,
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contented himself with bringing me to temper by degrees, and
ceeded, as much to his satisfaction as he passionately
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to him, he could no longer govern his passion; and the less,
with enjoyment, and solacing in these so new delights; till
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Blame yourself only that it is no better."
dying with hunger, to feast upon the dish on earth the most
the situation of all kept ladies is not the fittest to
length, such a breadth of animated ivory! perfectly well
I smiled, and put out my hand towards him, which he
call'd a comely black man, with an air of distinction natural
of love, forc'd a kind of grateful fondness something like
sufficiently satisfy'd me that my train had taken, and that
ogy for this minute detail of things, that dwelt so strongly
Struck with this apprehension, I scarce dared to carry
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Yet oh! what an immense difference did I feel between
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stuck at it: the violation was attended too with such aggra-
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The silky hair that covered round the borders, now
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murmur'd in so soft a tone, my eyes met his with such glances,
ture, and swam prone on his belly, striking out with his
intend to see you more, the landlord will pay you fifty
consideration of what you reproach me with; and I own, too,
which pass the mark I proposed, so that here my narrative
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nished towards the texture of those parts, with a fullness
my purpose, which I could perceive to sparkle in his eyes,
She told me, very coolly, that "she was indeed sorry for
own insipid handling! And now his waistcoat was unbuttoned,
being a feint was not the very truth of the case: seduced
that age, preserv'd a perfect innocence, even of thought:
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without.
which being an old-fashinon'd casement, without any light
by love, or other amusements.
father, he had betaken himself to the sea; where, when the
was with imaginary wrongs, I should have held Mr. H . . .
be too violent, too shocking for a young beginner, the old
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so delightfully crammed it, forc'd all my vital sensations
Though such a delicacy of sentiments did not extremely
who too soon paid me for his hearty welcome in a dissolvent,
traordinary put into the wine, or whether there wanted no
took her turn to treat the company with her history. I have
that could I, at the instant of regaining my senses, have
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with great gallantry, and handed me into the drawing room,
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the place was full, and the force of conjunctures alone had
draw, but was pleasantly disappointed: for he was not to be
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What you say besides, by way of encouragement, con-
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his breast and glossy white belly; at the bottom of which I
left by chance, of my dear Charles's common stock with me.
off, or replaced; as to my heart, it was quite out of the
a hale, ruddy, wholesome country look, made him out as
or liking me the better for it, had the complaisance to in-
Nor was this worthy act of justice long delay'd: I had
round where to shift my quarters to, Mrs. Cole, a middle-
afterwards), since the ungovernable rage of his passion was
head, and left no partition but the intermediate hair on
was no escape but through the dining-room, where he himself
the landlady takes the candle and lights us to our apartment,
reconciling even all the refinements of taste and delicacy
put them into his head.
poison to me, was not to be with us.
but delicacy itself incarnate, such was the symmetry of her
charms alone could pass current, and who would at any time
ing no part of me. Then, being on his knees between my
hear a buzz of approbation run through the whole company
sat down on a stile, wept bitterly, and yet was still rather
able to me, into convenient lodgings, where he would take
liking I had contracted for him; and I was on the eve of
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The next morning, waking pretty early, after a night's
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In the outer parlour, or rather shop, sat three young
of pleasure; they consider'd it accordingly as their mortal
the most study'd luxury; now too it was, by means of a pro-
pleasure, it flung us into an extasy that extended us faint-
the pride of the house . . . and the like.
after having agreed on this notable expedient, to one of
feeling is so exquisitely critical, as I then experienc'd by
without relenting. He was still stark-naked, but my modesty
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it would go to the very heart of her to send such a tender
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bers in good earnest.
an unmerciful beating was the least I had to depend on at
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my recovery, desir'd my landlady's good offices to introduce
it was, appeared yet more fair from the effect of two black
machine of his, which had now triumph'd over a kind of second
with one of our dairy-wenches; nor had he, perhaps, any other
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After a great deal of mix'd chat, frolic and humour,
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if we had not that terrible fault to guard against.
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hung out in vain, in a few minutes he was in a condition
startled . . . I will be very tender and kind to you." He
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well grown, to have better dispositions. He threw up my
and elegant simplicity. These were the girls that compos'd
Here Louisa ended; and these little histories having
me of any thing but the depth of misery, horror, and the
complaint, whilst his eyes eloquently express'd, at once,
fleshy excrescence, which, limber and relaxed after the late
shady recess, commodious to undress and leave his clothes
cover'd. But the warmth of my constitution, that made the
thunder-struck lad stood trembling and pale, waiting his
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it were, with his buttons, which were bursting ripe from the
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hand, and carries it to that enormous machine of his, that
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a simple girl, who was to profit by pleasing, to decide, but
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confus'd plan of it in my head, I was easily mistress enough
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that this intrigue bred one great revolution in my life,
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whose black sparkling eyes, and perfect harmony of features
sity there was for parting; which I felt as much displeasure
not have made a hearty meal of such a morsel as nature
inn or shelter; to which perplexity another was added, and
her face, which was now as red as scarlet, discover'd a pair
"Madam, I owe shame to myself, and confess you have
power of a new one, that, between fear and desire, I lay
nothing but my shift, a bed gown and under-petticoat. Will
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waterborne, and dragging after him a fine head of hair,
time on hand before the assembly-hour, proposed that each
time without speaking; at length we join'd company, and
the artless, natural stripling: his eyes streaming fire, his
of gaiety and joy which dictated their compliments, and
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Part 4
. . . and the sweet youth, overpower'd with the extasy, died
that it was scarce possible to get out, and make my way
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soon as possible. But my distress, being favourable to her
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brance whatever. On the other hand, he stood at a little
was no longer worthy of him. I could have begg'd my bread
near the city of York; and both he and my mother dying
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not pretend to justify; but that as to the young man, he was
it) to receive money enough to buy a silver watch, that
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But it was now of the latest to deliberate; for, by
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it was not now with his thoughts, but his actions, that my
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me again, and told me, in a tone compos'd to more pity and
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wounds to sustain.
stopped, through mere weariness and fatigue. At length I
this joyous band had presently, and all naturally, run into,
my maidenhead, and almost me. I now lay a bleeding witness
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his mother at her apartment, where he had once before been,
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was not extremely respected: the hands of the men went to
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an irreproachable husband.
ness, he could not speak, but then his looks, his emotion,
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over-match, that I could hardly stir, or raise myself, but
madness at myself with which I was seized, too late, I con-
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The evening was, in the mean time, so far advanc'd, that
nothing; and that, had he not been forc'd abroad to The
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ally met, in general parties of pleasure; the girls supping
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still there was something more wanting to create in me, and
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one of his thighs between mine, opened them so as to make
as to have but one fault against me, which I might easily be
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duc'd into it, such as my exploring finger then was.
mendation, to their caresses and entertainment, went about
in it the least reason to suspect my original motive. What
far in, as to be now tolerably secure of his entrance: here
draughts of pleasure, I still lay on the couch, supinely
tears from me. I left, too, a letter of thanks for Mr.
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him from within; then the door was so secure, that without
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not escape kissing them, fix'd, fired, and embolden'd him:
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action of it, I could, without check of awe or restraint,
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to me with messages, I manag'd so, as without affectation to
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then, and eager to unfold so alarming a mystery, playing, as
all imaginable care of me; and desiring me not to have any
pleasure stop, whilst that delicate glutton, my nether-
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tunately slipt its garter, which I made no scruple of tying
Madam,
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ing and examining what nature assur'd me must be the chosen
ends."
in the world (which she well knew) more than seven guineas,
Their dress too had the more design in it, the less it ap-
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rather confound and overlay than set off their beauty with;
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form'd to me the greatest of all merits; compared to which,
He advanc'd then to my bed-side, and whilst he fal-
me, had given his friends the slip. He could not be above
her to do all the honours of the first interview (for I had
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but still he would not quit his posture of submission, till
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easy to remark, even in their affected pity, their secret
whimsical appetite's making a fling meal of neck-beef, for
escape; which made dread, worse than death, the going back
then to wait upon him in the dining room, into which my
To these pupils then of hers, whom she had prepar'd,
fense would be in vain: and he, throwing her petticoats over
servant; and scarce eight and forty hours were gone round,
On my part, I was richly overpaid for the pleasure I gave
of my patroness, whom I likewise, still in character, re-
The fifty guineas promis'd me by Mr. H . . ., at his
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sum of money, which must be answer'd." And, with that, pre-
as every thing was, the smart was soon put away by the sove-
or span, almost renew'd my terrors.
the desire or gave me the provocation to play him a trick
till finding my illusion, I shut and squeez'd them together
ried to my heart, and thence to my new-discover'd sphere of
thoroughly recovered to him, who had not once unsheath'd, he
crushed and uncurl'd with the over-flowing moisture that
whilst my fears of I did not well know what, made me no
crowns the enjoyments of a mutual love-passion, where two
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mistake the spot I wanted a playfellow in.
without any desire of this novel sight, compelled me to-
and tender attentions to please me forc'd a regard to him,
self-touching, self-enjoying, in fine, to all the means of
seeing his and rather declined them, I had a glimpse of
favour'd, beyond expectation, the completion of his desires,
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sense of things did I perceive there, than when under my
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The maid quitting the room, the gentleman insisted, with
the maid came in to lay the cloth for supper, when I under-
on which the mutinous rogue seemed to swell, and gather a
distant trees over-topping the summit of a hill: then the
his own servant too, and how he had deserv'd this of me?
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"Before either of us undressed, however, he put out
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play.
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called out, or taken the bloodiest revenge, I would not have
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point of person, set me a dangerous example; but now I began
dispatch my young man, I tenderly advised him of the neces-
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that, split up, torn, bleeding, mangled, I was still supe-
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piquant air of my dishabille, drew from Mr. H . . . a com-
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which I had not ever heard, or at least attended to, the
of pleasure, for such I conceiv'd it, stirr'd up in me, I
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tolerably well, and you are very welcome to stay in the lodg-
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most painful piercing thrusts, wedges himself at length so
its place, of which when I whisperingly inquired the reason,
ing at length to the insupportable irritations of the little
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"But these meditations only increas'd my disorder, and
of my soul to give myself up to any sensation of that sort;
person, wherewithal to keep him from leaving me as easily as
question'd. After some puzzle, the young fellow started a
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Still I continued in a state of stupidity, or melan-
a stream of pearly liquids, which flowed down my thighs, mixed
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Thus I lay six weeks, in the struggles of youth and
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expedient that went but a little way to relieve me, and
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that a strict resemblance she fancied she saw in me to an
for me, cherish, respect, and reward the painter's, the
for; but on my first stirring, which was not till past ten
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accomplish, I had still no notion of wronging mine; for,
stood with a stiffness! a hardness! an upward bent of erec-
wearied and thrown me into a kind of unquiet sleep: for, if
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have done. I still lay all descompos'd in bleeding ruin,
that of broad sun-shine.
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which young fellows would be too irresistible, too charming,
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pleasures of enjoyment were now the link I held to him by:
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bashful confus'd way, more expressive, more moving and readier
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as he styled them, superhuman temptations, combined with the
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The tea was made, and the landlady, unwilling, I sup-
to their respective calls of pleasure or interest with
perhaps, as the crowning act of enjoyment itself; which they
Part 7
with him all over the world, but wretch that I was, I had
as my whole rage was levell'd at myself, no part of which I
The least delicate of all affairs of this sort being
him, in that of examining the power of those objects thus
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enc'd at her hands other than a sincerity of tenderness, and
of which, dedicated to that pleasure, was on flow to mix with
sprout of a soft down over it, which had often flatter'd,
able malice of the human heart! and which is not confin'd
ment. I wept a little, and my tears reliev'd me; I sigh'd,
tion, when pleasure dies by pleasure, and the mysterious
obtaining, from the movements of his own voluntary generosity,
charms of my new companions, I was too much prejudic'd in
I, smiling in his face, took the letter, and immedi-
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LETTER THE SECOND
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breath'd an air of decency, modesty and order.
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In the mean time, several of my acquaintances among
proceeded afresh to cleave and open to himself an entire
could not bear either to keep or part with him. The sense
often beget an impatience of, that makes pleasure destruc-
so that it was neglected, and committed entirely to my aunt,
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over to all its transports, and gave it the full possession
clipping close, shew'd the shape of a plump, well made thigh;
turn'd and fashion'd, the proud stiffness of which distended
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ciple of self-preservation, snatching at every glimpse of
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as they appeared above the surface, in the course of his
cropt its richest flower, during my suspension of life and
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cloaths I had, and that, for the rest, I would pay her as
into his hands: not more, lest, being too flush of money, a
of joy; that though they occasionally preached pleasure,
ings, in short, a perfect plough-boy. I saw him come whist-
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a lady of birth and fortune, to whom, I have heard, he prov'd
petticoat and shift, whilst my thighs were, by an instinct
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guish'd for satisfying a curiosity, natural enough, to view
white stockings, garter-lac'd livery, shoulder knot, alto-
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pleasure, or both. But then, she observ'd, as I was a kind
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Time, however, that great comforter in ordinary, began
His hair trimly dressed, clean linen, and, above all,
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that flow'd plentifully to my relief, and choking up my
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desperate attempt at the age of fifteen. I had broken a
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reception, I hail'd it with the warmest confluence on my
got entire possession of me. On her side, she pretended
now beside his point; till, burning with impatience from
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abandon'd myself entirely to the ideas of all the delight I
the last encounter, but, as if he had task'd himself to
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came, and took me with her to her house for the first time.
but only such as Mrs. Cole was previously satisfied with
ority to; but, with this lad, I was more on that level which
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About eleven, in came Mrs. Jones, with two basins of
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than I seem'd at present. I neither assented nor deny'd,
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and try'd, with his fingers, to lay more open to his sight
himself and me warmer; and the heat I felt from joining our
and incircl'd together), the eyes of the transported youth
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the better, at length, of all her care and precaution. I
and embraces I could not refuse myself to. Yet he happily
I was now settled in lodgings of my own, abandon'd to
and state of things would hardly have passed upon one of Mr.
pensable necessity for my mother's going down to Greenwich
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stantly over, I stole a tip-toe to the passage door, and
that had sinned but in a sweet excess; now did I loose my
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woman, favoured my timorousness, which she look'd on as
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too great, and after some hearty kisses of leave, and recom-
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took unutterable delight. We had now reach'd the closest
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tions been observ'd, it must have belong'd to a young giant.
out with that formidable machine of his, he lets the fury
end. I not only then tighten'd the pleasure-girth round my
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teasing it to no end. Sometimes, in the furious excitations
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into a discussion of the very great difference of the pro-
kept Miss, my answer was modest, and often interrupted by my
said with a gentle whisper: "Pray, my dear, do not be
jealousy were their standing rules, by which, according to
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indeed, but not so wonderful; for this young gentleman was
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landlady had actually left the room, and me alone with this
In this situation I sat near half an hour, swallow'd up
and amusements. Nature now pointed me strongly to more
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a push of no mighty violence serv'd to give her a very easy
loose, and pointing it directly to the pouting-lipt mouth,
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handkerchief round the neck interpos'd its feeble barrier, it
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Mr. H . . ., on hearing what I said, hung his head a
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with tears in his eyes beseeching me to forgive him, and
an audacious defence of it, in the old style of a common
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and convey'd into a hackney-coach, it cost me but little
entry into me, which was not a little made easy to him by
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fall, and my gentleman having got up his hands to the
their barbarity to me, in favour of a son, on whom only they
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and patrons of this little seraglio. Not but that she had,
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H . . . was, he undoubtedly made her amends: though, I dare
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the absence of my dear Charles, concurr'd to stun all con-
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reception, and indeed of being perfectly pleased with my
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his machine, meeting with no inlet, bore and batter'd
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or four glasses of wine, which he compelled me to drink by
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great article of subaltern finery, which he at length ac-
and luxury. The authors and supporters of this secret in-
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fortunes; how we came up to town together, where we lived
wishes, all my dreams, all my love, the king member indeed!
complain, either of any tendency to encroach upon me for
rather pleas'd than alarm'd me. I was indeed too much dis-
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of action. Kisses however were snatch'd at times, or where a
when bedtime came on, we had neither of us the courage to
the manner in which she had conducted herself towards ob-
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perhaps more favourable to joy, more tenderly pleasing, than
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never continued any in her house, whom, after a due novitiate,
I saw myself under a necessity of trying my fortune with
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I gave a great scream, and drop'd my petticoat: the
sort; as his stooping to such a coarse morsel was only a
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engag'd from the shirt, I saw, with wonder and surprise,
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without knocking; and, as I passed by, she told me Mr. H .
him, in a soft tone that tended to prescribe the same key to
this furious engine to where my young novice was now to be
which now consisted of four gentlemen, including my parti-
to my failure than I ought to have been; but as I never had
riorly pleas'd, and hugg'd the author of all this delicious
it. The frolic and various play of all his polish'd limbs,
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first with his handkerchief dried my tears as they ran down
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H . . ., for not appearing too much in the thing herself,
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chair for him, and another for herself. All this while not
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curling hair round the root, through the jetty sprigs of
character of our sex for art, and went up to him with the
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cate and modern-built frame of our pap-nerv'd softlings,
dulge me.
found an end from my own imprudent neglect. After having
first enjoyment is decisive, and he was now over the bar, I
fession. We parted that night, after having settled a per-
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to come at it was the point, and that, to all appearance, an
instrument of my revenge, I had down-right seduced him to
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the floor of which was overspread with a Turkey carpet, and
that of a very sightly gentleman, well made, about forty,
short, a very good excuse for any woman's liking, even tho'
tions, such as had he a mistress? . . . was she prettier than
channel receiv'd him. He hesitated a little; then, set-
and by this means I got into a circle of acquaintance that
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the summer-house, of which he observed the door open: there
which I was over-awed from giving vent to by complaints, or
him, that his mamma was gone out and would not return till
a ruddy, healthy, firm-flesh'd country maid; and as for my
peared to have, being in a taste of uniform correct neatness,
the main point, by toying, kissing, clipping, feeling my
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how to evade lying together, which was so natural for the
"Neither my extraction, nor the most critical adventure
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low a rank of life to deserve so great a display. May be
solid diversions, while all the stings of desire settled so
chapman, I was to undergo a ceremonial of initiation they
being now naked and all laid open to him, was part of the
already hinted to you the graces of her person, than which
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to make his court to the usual vanity of our sex. Silks,
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my easiness, as through my inclination, had it not been for
Here began the usual tender preliminaries, as delicious,
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so: but was my condition, strictly consider'd one jot more
gether again the lips and sides of that deep flesh wound, or
thighs are sent off, perfectly dazzled one with its watery
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into such an uproar, as nothing could still but a fresh in-
shew'd he was lodg'd pretty much at large. After he had
he laid me down on the couch, and tried, as he protested in
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through a long yard, at the end of which it stood, separate
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floor. My trunks were safely landed, and stow'd in my
the growing importance of that part to me, and the new sen-
in favour of my first impressions.
our profession; and what was rare to be met with in those
"Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by
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to the same purpose, as soon as possible, and thrust a guinea
at discretion: finding thus no repulse, and that every thing
quiver'd again under the pressure; and now I had him every
rage, that nature almost fainted under them. Not that I so
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with the fiercest erection, unbonnetted, and displaying its
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I could not long withstand that nameless impulse, which,
enough to make some merit of sacrificing it to the influence
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by an open publick enjoyment, to see me broke of any taint
My happiness, however, with him did not last long, but
spark-elect placing himself next to me, and the other couples
the powerfully divided lips of that pleasure-thirsty
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preceding conflicts of mind I had suffer'd, and struck dumb
delighted me: sometimes he lay motionless, on his back,
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with such trifles as Mr. H . . .'s liberal liking led him
of my particular, he told me that as it was chiefly on my
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"My father was neither better nor worse than a miller
Yet, had not my heart been thus pre-ingaged, Mr. H .
now as well see by the streams of blood that follow'd his
ing, as a just distinction from striking, which is ever a
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sion with my maid, where there was not half the temptation in
as little expedition, however, as he could help, wantonly
parting with me, having been duly paid me, all my cloaths
umphing in my double achievement of pleasure and revenge, I
too great a rapture of pleasure the first insertion of it,
fears, and a passion so sudden as mine, to reason? All this
cheeks glowing with a florid red, his fervid frequent sighs,
or two, the maid put me to bed. Mr. H . . . soon follow'd,
warmth in, and round it, oh! how immensely different a
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of one from whom there was the clearest reason to expect
set in the arm-chair, my shift and petticoat up, my thighs
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out his having seen me before: agreeably to which notion he
honours, and the like, held a very low rank indeed. Nor
In the close of the evening, I took care to have pre-
was thus qualify'd to give the senses their richest feast,
was about, till recovering from a trance of lifeless insen-
slyly lifting them upwards, under favour of a thousand
sort of alarm. He came a tip-toe to the bed-side, and
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scene of Mr. H . . .'s polite joys, in an undress which
proposal, which I thought the finest that could be; and
then by this flattering notion, and overcome by the present,
explain'd the mystery of my ruin, if not entirely to the
his cloaths were off in an instant; when, blushing still
dowdy blowing the fire, and my faithful shepherd walking
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"As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up
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me constantly in exercise till dawn of morning; in all
sense, a most exquisite companion. And now my great plea-
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furniture she had so liberally enrich'd him with; though he
though by mere chance. I had not seen him: so that we knew
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with the most gross and determinate gratifications of senu-
and shut the door after her.
and now, glancing my eyes towards that part of his dress
and taken care that I wanted for nothing: and as soon as she
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of pleasures, before their innocence became so injustly
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those hedge-accommodations for foot passengers, at the door
untying my hat-strings, I fancied I heard my maid Hannah's
to my lot ot stand his first trial of it, if I could resolve
under increased impressions of fear on the account of my
enough to contradict the intention of one to whom I had now
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choly despair, as my spirits could not yet recover from the
of me, which such an oversiz'd machine was very fit to lay
ticular orders to my landlady to see that I should want for
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house. This obtain'd me a dispensation, and the promotress
touch of several parts of me which were unguardedly exposed
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strange tickling heat: there he pleas'd himself and me, by
selves the restorers of the golden age and its simplicity
weapon, stuck it in the cloven spot, where he seem'd to find
to procure me at any rate, and that he had at length suc-
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est and freest with are ever those we like, not to say love,
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Mr. H . . ., content, however, with having the day
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his grief for hurting me, and his reluctance at dislodging
the powers of my sight, on this bewitching object, when, in
his hand between my handkerchief and bosom, which he handled
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feeling, till, growing a little too bold, he hurt me, and
breeches, that my fingers could discover no end to. Curious
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away, and wishing me a good night, went out of the room
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middle, and became a side-board; a couch was brought into
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pliment on my looks, which he was proceeding to back the
trifle away their time, without its ever entering into their
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turned, he dress'd and went out, having left me a purse
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H . . .'s nicety and experience unaccounted for but by the
their greedy rapacious turn. She was really too a gentle-
depravations of it; between whom it was not the business of
herself to be brought to the foot of the couch, upon which
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interim; for that nobody could be a greater enemy than she
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but I am so much in motion, that I could not if I would. I
came to the dining-room door, tapped at it, and, on my bid-
that prevented it, and their consequences which threw me on
wanting to set them in action! The young man, sliding his
that modesty and awe which had hitherto restrain'd him,
had most plentifully drowned all thoughts of revenge in the
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length, which he cover'd with a profusion of kisses, spar-
fusion of blood through his fresh, clear skin, whilst even
ancient summer-house, at some distance from the house, I
assure her would wear off in time, and gave my suitors
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farmers in the country, not above forty miles from town:
and my mother, with much reluctance, prevailed with herself
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finely furnish'd, and rais'd in flesh, so that, panting
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tired with uniformity of adventures and expressions, insep-
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should be no longer-lived! for now the point of pleasure,
inflam'd him yet more, by asking him several leading ques-
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point of pleasure to a point of pride.
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talking with some of her acquaintances, so that I came in
received in the PRACTICE OF PLEASURE, flatten and lose much
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"According to practical maxims of life, I ought to
fullness was rather to the prejudice of that delicate slimness
How my loss was resented I do not know, for till this instant
so suddenly the first object of my love, and as suddenly of
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I suppose, nothing extremely severe in my looks to stop or
into it on the other side, which bordered on a wood, some
whilst his hands convulsively squeez'd, opened, pressed to-
ever, a singular chance did at once the work of a long course
he stuck, and I now felt such a mixture of pleasure and
thoroughly refin'd and frittered away into the more deli-
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The gentleman, on his entering the room, made me a very
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thriving business; on whom she soon, under favour of the
cular (this was the cant-term of the house for one's gallant
the house afforded, and we supped together as man and wife;
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Violent passions seldom last long, and those of women
I had it now, I felt it now, and, beginning to drive,
observation of it, resuming its capacity to renew it, and
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to dilate and open to the least gleam of diversion or amuse-
so much reason not to be overpleas'd with; and as for her
of the bed-cloaths, in all the loosest undress. Here I gave
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was completely taken off, and all the girls deliver'd over
thoroughly abandoned the direction of all my steps. For Mrs.
her proposals. And, as it happened, I could not have put
entrance into me so far, that weakened as I was by all the
In the order of our sitting, it was Harriet's turn to
undation from the very engine of those flames, as well as
be excused, at least till I had undergone the forms of the
about the room and whistling, as cool and unconcern'd as if
chamber, he knew, belonged, he had slipp'd by the servant of
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repulse: those rogues, the men, read us admirably on these
their nature, and now seen and handled for the first time.
familiarly by still a stranger. But he soon gave me
had not thrown me into this safe and agreeable refuge."
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eminent service to me. As soon as I was got into the bed-
strayed that way with his gun, and heated by his sport, and
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take, or put such a bulk out of sight. I stroked it gently,
more silly, more flat, more insipid and worthless, than,
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care of you: the town is no place for such an easy fool as
thought was that so sweet a creature as this youth seemed
whatever I have given you, remains to you; and as I never
grew greatly alarming with its increase of size, as he bore
For my part, I was so incredibly innocent as not even then to
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that constraint, not to say disgust, on Mr. H . . ., which
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the same time throwing down, carelessly, a book I had in my
before her insolence, on what had pass'd between Mr. H . . .
flag or fail: the one will readily place the pictures I
same, whatever variety of forms and modes the situations are
to both our satisfactions, and that she would bring him to
replac'd myself in a posture to receive, at all risks, the
"For you, spark, I shall, for your father's sake, take
it was not on one of them she could attempt to pass me for
"But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon
a stronger propensity to that cause of my being than I did.
aid and advice to such good purpose that, in the loss of a
pain, as there is no giving a definition of. I dreaded
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taking off the ruddiness of my country complexion, render'd
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his sturdy rustic pressures wanted not their peculiar
breakfast; and the ice now broke, my heart, no longer en-
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ness of young girls once got upon the loose. But then she
in for one of them with great agitation and delight; yet
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house, I had nothing to fear, as they were plain good sorts
made little or no scruple of any infidelity she could safely
pass, which he had before found so open, and unguarded: but
fairy charm that tormented me, I seiz'd it with my fingers,
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Embark'd as I was, and moreover captivated with the
it was to my concern for the preservation of his life that I
who live by their connexions with them), I hardly knew one
from his master, Mr. H . . ., to know how I did. I had taken
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that was, what we should say for ourselves, if we were
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teen and six-pence: towards discharging of which, I had not
would be the consequence of this new engagement.
liking for him was so extreme, that it was distinguishing
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favour of the first experiment; but that still I was per-
features join'd to finish the extreme sweetness of it,
do her best to find out a proper person, and would undertake
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stood like criminals under examination; and beginning with
looks, and hastening to receive the seal of it from my lips,
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notions than those of innocence, till such a fair occasion
me passively put it into my pocket.
an elegant supper was serv'd in, and we sat down to it, my
seventeen, was ruddy, well featur'd enough, with uncombed
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I could not but observe that my young minion was as
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suspicion or discovery might arise from thence, having every
vouchsafed to bestow their tenderness, had a thousand times
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love; a distinction it would be spoiling the pleasure of
share in my commerce with this handsome youth. The sole
awkward scene, impos'd and obtruded on me by cruel necessity.
than that there was a great deal of youth and freshness in
less as a statue.
remark'd the clear light ether throught the branchwork of
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my scheme, for two or three times that the young fellow came
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as near as I can retain, to the following purpose:
him, who, I dare swear, thought himself very cheaply off.
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the wench, I had thought and acted right; but, flush'd as I
rounded, caress'd, and made court to by so many strangers,
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was walking about with distempered strides, stamping in a
three beautifuller creatures could hardly be seen. Two of
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laid aside; and Mrs. Cole giving me up, with special recom-
cry out nor the strength to disengage myself from his stren-
sigh, as if he had hurt me; on which he withdrew his curious
with consummating his penetration. But the sight of the
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the same images, the same figures, the same expressions,
smooths her apron and handkerchief. Mr. H . . . look'd a
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and the third, much about that age, was a piquant brunette,
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great chafe, and doubtless debating what he would do with
their hands, in the silliness of those tender years I left
off, I crept under the bed-cloaths, where I found the young
a degree of familiarity enough to regret the removal; but
figure, that I could possibly expect from any of my own sex:
whole story and every circumstance of my distress, which he
more desirous of marrying than of dying. My aunt, good
flew open at a touch, when out IT started; and now, dis-
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Novelty ever makes the strongest impressions, and in
flush with genial juices, was now fairly in for making me
his heart to leave me, and make off, which he might easily
stand fairer for the HEART OF THE HUNT?
I arriv'd at my new lodgings, and Mrs. Cole, after helping
thoughts of revenge; the very start of which idea restor'd
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and shape, left her nothing to envy in her fairer companions.
chamber, I unlaced my stays, and threw myself on the outside
of their due spirit and energy by the frequency they indis-
turbed with the novelty of my condition to be able to sleep;
ing close to mine, when he had drove the nail up to the
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drawing out, as he had felt by the difficulties he had met
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out any memorable accident, till one fatal day I had, as I
been doing deepen'd yet the glowing of my cheeks, flushed
under.
somely furnish'd nor so showy as those I left, were to the
myself the satisfaction of my impetuous curiosity and long-
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fairly turn'd the tables upon me. It is not with one of
of things.
had more to hope from his violence than to fear from his
field, and to enter on a fresh action. But the danger was
that scene of bliss, in which the actors are generally too
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identical spot in which I had received the supposed injury.
handling: the orifice dilated and inflamed, the lips swollen
of the engagement, were no longer swollen or moisture-
fires, lunges more furious, and an increased stiffness,
constantly invoked to my relief and deliverance, but which
took up scarce the space of a few moments. I had then just
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which are by some styl'd the refinements, and by others the
posed the objection of the door and window being so situated
self with (for, by the way, this blouze had left her place
ended in a profuse shower of tears.
with delight! stir'd beyond bearing with its furious agita-
of her's, she contented herself with a moderate living pro-
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tations had assured him he might attempt without the fear of
was with me, and both ever too well disposed to baulk an
enough to return a curtsy to; when the landlady, taking upon
father, not to let you return and be spoil'd here."
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flocked to insult me with their malicious consolations.
profound sleep.
In the mean time, poor William was frightened out of
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from all the springs with which nature floats that reservoir
I tossed and threw about my limbs in proportion to the dis-
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penetrate into its deepest recesses, or do it nobler justice.
the gleamy warmth that shot from it made him feel that he
moisten'd the whole internals of the passage. Redoubling,
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its skin, whose smooth polish and velvet softness might vie
remember'd my fears, only to make a jest of them to myself.
every farthing of her demand, independent of a liberal gra-
in a strain of perfect nature, perfect undebauch'd innocence,
languor possest, and still maintain'd us motionless and fast
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in great presence of mind from the turn this adventure might
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Presently Mr. H . . . comes in to us again, and made
my candor and ingenuity gave me some repugnance to: but not
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the pleasure I had received to have repented of it; and
which was not belied by that of temper turned to indolence,
Easily, then, reading in my eyes the full permission of
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I was then lying at length upon that very couch, the
gaining a complete admission, which he was so regardful as
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experience of the wicked part of the town than she had, was
proving too weak for my wish, I recovered at length, tho'
into her hands, and came, at length, to regard, love, and
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then, the active energy of his thrusts, favoured by the
"But now, by my own experience, I found it too true
its irritating touches, I guided gently, with my hand,
tion how at once to elude my mother's vigilance, and procure
does, to almost any distension soon recovers itself so as
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nences of the women of quality, in the round of which they
to treat the men as their tyrants, indeed! were they to
passion of desire being now so strongly prompted by the
cur'd of, and that was my modesty: this, they observ'd, might
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fect unreserv'd agreement; and the next morning Mrs. Cole
he took me in his arms, and bore me, without life or motion,
and wip'd them as dry as I could, whilst he was re-adjusting
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statuary's, the musician's arts, in proportion to delight
and still perplex'd as he was what to think of the adventure,
women, numbers of whom had passed through his hands, doubt-
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his hand above my garters: thence he strove to regain the
like; to all which the blushing simpleton answer'd to my wish,
leave the tender partner of my joys behind me, I employed
lain dormant or conceal'd, began to break out, and made me
and fluttering like a poor wounded partridge, and ready to
were sure I should not be displeased with.
and the confinement of the breeches burst through, when out
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Emily came and told us the company was met, and waited for
from that sweet fury, that rage of active delight which
to the door, open'd it, ran down to the canal, guided
Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity that of
them were extremely fair, the eldest not above nineteen;
young ravisher several times after, whom I now passionately
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H . . . , brother to the Earl of L . . . and that having, by
sudden sally of lust, on seeing a wholesome-looking, buxom
the arms of this very same young gentleman I had been so
furious battering ram, whose ruby head, presenting nearest
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my affections.
and the minutes being too precious to consume in untimely
The morning being pretty well advanc'd, we got to
voice; I regretted no leading advances; no matter for his
that light I then view'd him, applied himself to appease me,
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in my ears, the sensible nearness of so new and interesting
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more than that light and contented myself with turning away
had ventured to approach, and finding me without sign of life,
bolden'd by every freedom he could wish, wantonly takes my
their being drowned; and imagining this so sudden eclipse
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the art of living than they do; they, I say, who for ever
soo strip'd me of all the remains of bashfulness and modesty
all, to say the plain truth, the dissipation and diversion
and through her tuition and instructions, succeeded very
of title to womanhood, that state I pin'd to be entr'd of,
of the necessity impos'd on our sex, to gather the first
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hope you will own I do not leave you in a worse condition
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bed-chamber had a door, as is common enough. Whilst I was
sure lay in humouring all the petulances, all the wanton
the liberties I allow'd him, or of his indiscretion in
sex, I suffer'd, tamely, whatever the gentleman pleased; who
it in a character in low life; where, by the bye, it is of-
where I soon followed them, after taking a civil leave of
not now eighteen, before I had, on account of my person
a cane couch, with my work-basket for a pillow, were all
his relief, on account ot the pain he had put me to.
proud distinction of his sex from mine. I was frighten'd
necessity, partly through choice, as never woman delighted
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the fires of inflam'd nature, and his cheeks flush'd with a
me from a thought that way, had not Mr. H . . .'s condescen-
violent shocks they had receiv'd; and the accommodating
with any glare of dress or ornaments, such as silly women
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We soon got to the house appointed for me, which was
in the country, for a bastard), and, indeed, all his motions
voluptuously refresh'd in body and spirit.
and not-resistance to all those arbitrary tastes of pleasure,
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newal of those extremities which had thrown me, just before,
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exchanging a few confused questions and answers, I ask'd
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Presently a neat and elegant supper was introduc'd, and
and moveables chested up, which were at least of two
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eat myself. I obey'd with a heart full of affliction, at the
lodg'd, with a very sufficient allowance, and lighted up
civil bow, which I had scarce strength, or presence of mind
tremely pleasant, the young lad seem'd as perplex'd as I was,
at proper seasons, other customers to deal with, whom she
fore or have since seen, few indeed were the forms that
towards me, blushing, and almost trembling; for surely his
the advancement of the proposal you have approv'd of. My
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of surprise and fear; and, in course, I should immediately
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maidenhead. I stole, however, my handkerchief to those parts,
happiness to forgive him. The reproaches I made him were
week of grace in my lodging, could never win on him so much
late at night: which I thought no bad hint; but as it prov'd,
but a maypole of so enormous a standard, that had propor-
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to face my unnatural parents. Refresh'd by this little
and notwithstanding the fatigues of the preceding night, I
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Her name was Emily; a girl fair to excess, and whose
manhood.
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Venus, I was melted into a softness that could refuse him
All of which did not hinder her from insensibly suffering
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it no doubt designedly, hard and stiff against one of my
cramp seizing on even the best swimmers, and occasioning
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tion! so strict a fold! a suction so fierce! that gave and
uous embraces, before, urging his point, he had forced his
marriage; but this I know, it was scarce possible to inherit
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was at the mouth of the indraught, and driving foreright,
thither by the madness of my fears for him, and the intense
treme desires, I found these last so strong upon me, the
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her age, and I, on account of my titular maidenhead, should
him to me, and was as angry, at least, as I was shock'd, at
of me in which I had now taken him, all indriven, and com-
joyous troop made a little holiday, the shew of work was
the very top of all my wishes, by an accident unexpected
before mine was ready to meet it, kept up by the pain I had
for me, and with me, what he had done.
more in encouraging a brisk circulation of trade for the
me to range and secure my things, spent the whole evening
putting any force upon my inclinations.
scorn; and, without saying a word, turn'd upon his heel and
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courage from such extreme intimacy, he gave me an after-
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head, and, driving with refreshed rage, breaks in, and plugs
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serpentines of its veins, altogether compos'd the most
wanted so much to keep out of harm's way made me feel its
the balsamic injection with which he had just plentifully
breasts, kindled another that I had hitherto never felt, and
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lost all sense of the past injury. The young gentleman soon
it seems, to a happy habit of body, juicy, plump and fur-
offer to disturb a repose he had given me so much occasion
of joy, when risen to its flood-mark.
By my direction, however, the head of his unwieldy
sibly returned it, without knowing the consequence of return-
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swimming or wantoning with the water, amus'd and insensibly
not four months before and inn-keeper's buxom young widow,
of nature, unfolded to their best; and my desires had so
me to a certain point, and not to throw me into a state of
which might be yet left of my country education, and were,
to get rid of all my troubles. Upon which, without waiting
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arable from a subject of this sort, whose bottom, or ground-
let off so. The well breath'd youth, hot-mettled, and
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at the novelty, and drew back my hand; yet, pressed and
of his maiden bashfulness (for such it seem'd, and really
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hood; and in which, with all due reserve to my maidenhead,
distance, that gave me a full view of a fine featur'd,
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your head, child, and do not let sorrow spoil that pretty
probing fingers, asking me pardon, as it were, in a kiss
longing, for about ten in the morning, according to expect-
the pleasures I strongly perceiv'd the overture of, in feel-
pleasure at seeing me thus disgrac'd and discarded, and
had not the least relish for. The pretext however passed,
way encircled and begirt; and having drawn him home to me,
the secrets of that dark and delicious deep: he opens the
fitted.
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no lengths in lewdness she would not advise me to go, in
ing it; for, on this encouragement, he slipped his hand all
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and two old domestics to take care of it. Thus I had the
engine of it overcomes the titillation it has rais'd in
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give a loose to joy, and execute every scheme of dalliance
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I never once dream'd of consequences. We came presently,
the landlord and his family, with whom I had never liv'd in
with that of the most delicate of our sex, and whose exqui-
ation, Will, my new humble sweetheart, came with a message
that was to be occasionally cook'd up for the first proper
for the time), the three young women, in a neat flowing
was with all the art of negligence flowing loose, and in a
liberal presents to the girls that pleas'd and humour'd
proceeding insensibly from freedom to freedom, insinuated
mention of: and he was so long-breath'd at it, that in the
and now, palpably mistress of nay size of man, and tri-
pressed it, till raising it by degrees, he made me feel the
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and delivered. But for me, whose natural philosophy all
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branded with the names of guilt and shame.
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The landlady had all this while officiously provided,
of it. Thus had she insensibly formed a little family of
opening it with a noise, pass'd for having that moment come
irretrievably separated.
had been for years acquainted. They took and shew'd me the
me met his timely thrust, by which the lips of it, strenu-
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itself with less than realities, the strong yearnings, the
too.
broke all the measures he had resolv'd upon in my favor.
and shift, he presently removed those bars to the sight by
fainted under the excessive heat of the season at that hour;
reign cordial; all my soft complainings were silenc'd, and
retain'd an air of grief, dejection, and languor, which
legs, he drew up his shirt and bared all his hairy thighs,
have had patience to see the whole scene through: I should
When our mutual trance was a little over, and the young
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formation of which, from the close jointure of our bodies
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her: "Pray sir, don't . . . , let me alone . . . I am not
my heart not, and I could easier win upon myself to see how
now over, I retir'd softly into my closet, where I began to
and sense laid me under a sort of subjection and constraint
first floor, very genteelly furnish'd, for two guineas a
that great master of it) and greedily kiss'd. After
return, which was but the day before, he had, on learning
for the revels of the evening, I staid with Mrs. Cole till
more to revive the natural warmth of my constitution and
him a gust of pleasure that he was now desire-mad to satisfy,
business than they could well help.
have run out, had not my modesty, fatally for itself, inter-
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the vulgar, who are more ignorant of, or who cultivate less,
cabinet-maker on his master's maid: the consequence of which
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Mr. H . . . continu'd kind and tender to me; yet, with
seeing me extended on the bank, his first idea was that some
since I was now over the bar, I thought, by plunging over
the cant of the decent procuress, with which she saluted us
but with all the awkwardness and simplicity of country-
one another by hear-say only; and finding me stretched on
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hands carelessly dropt; but then he employ'd such tender
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his back, and terminated its double cope at where the
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this solitary and last shift of pleasure, as extended me at
a child she had by her first husband. I had, on that foot-
taught his first lesson of pleasure. Thus he nick'd, at
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so loud, that I, who listened at the door, could scarce hear
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She had hardly time to get down-stairs before Mr. H .
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an assent; which, therefore, readily giving in the style of
was a big belly, and the loss of a place. He was not in
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favour of any proposal they could make, to much as hesitate
and courtship which he since often reproach'd himself with
sure would take up time enough; and, from the people of the
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I fell at length to the publick; from which, it is probable,
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became of her afterwards, I know not; but generous as Mr.
sents me with a bill of arrears for rent, diet, apothecary's
to his master by his fellow-servants, used to eye me in that
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laces, ear-rings, pearl-necklace, gold watch, in short, all
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that Mrs. Cole, who had pick'd them as much for their temper
to my breasts, I prest it tenderly to them. They were now
I had often long'd for, I was soon comforted; and flattering
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not to be easily over-ruled by her: after which she went on
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home . . . I must not indeed . . . I will cry out . . ."
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nothing. When now he managed his caresses and endearments
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to fix their home there, during the stay of my beloved guest;
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Mr. H . . .'s loftier qualifications of birth, fortune
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the fairest play, I guided officiously with my hand this
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scenes positively new, as he had never before had the least
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drest in a suit of plain cloaths, with a large diamond ring
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solitude and seeming security of the attempt, he was not
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strange gentleman, before I observ'd it, and then I observ'd
few moments in which I ran out to save him, he had not yet
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mere woman, those effusions of pleasure, which, in the
in a coarse familiar style, and tone of authority, "hold up
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of my whole body and soul; for now all thought was at an end
none, it ought to be suppos'd incapable of giving any. This
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pensably recur with, in a narrative of which that PRACTICE
sensible of the reasons there were for his present leaving
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the pain melting fast away into pleasure. I abandon'd myself
into a state of stupefaction and despair that threatened me
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I had now liv'd near seven months with Mr. H . . .,
locked in one another's arms. Alas! that these delights
side, amidst all those extatic raptures, not unfamiliar I
should have thought nay one much out of taste that could
terror and modesty, even from looking through the window,
content, and that in a manner so precisely alike, and on the
of folks, and wise enough to mind no more other people's
I was now so bruised, so batter'd, so spent with this
for a reply, she goes out, and returns with this very hon-
invitingly made room for him. He is now lain down by me,
shaggy breast.
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when Mrs. Cole, presiding at the head of her club, gave me
a bottle of Burgundy, with the other necessaries, were set on
which historical truth requires I should not sink from you,
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This was a prologue not unworthy of the revels that ensu'd.
it was easy to discover, in the superior warmth of that of
than before. Pain'd, however, as I was, with his efforts of
however, to such diversions as I might have a mind to in the
me that I should be introduc'd, that very evening, to four
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ment of a rest we both wanted, and we soon dropped into a
the conveniencies of my short repose; for I was soon awaked
my cheeks: presently he ventur'd to kiss me: on my part,
me her receipt in full; after which I should be at liberty
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acquainted with a good many, besides some useful matrons,
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farther, and repaid him, as exactly as I could for the soul
"As night drew on, it became us to look out for some
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wanton eyes; or shewing, transparently, the glow and suf-
only one restriction of Mrs. Cole, that she, on account of
pied the first floor of our house, there started an indis-
a maid; they were not only too knowing, too much town-bred
fit upon her industry and good offices, and had nothing of
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tership of nature alone, to slip his hands, trembling with
brought the time for the girls to retire, and to prepare
thought of wronging him (which was true), till I had seen
ding him come in, he did so, and shut the door after him.
what advantage he pleas'd, I did not so much as know what he
heat of the weather too perhaps conspiring to exalt their
then hurry'd off his cloaths, and leap'd into bed, having
dear to pay for this the richest treat of the senses; so
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of the house had found the secret so rare and difficult, of
body inconsistent with her designs upon it, began to soothe
and her, gave me so fair an occasion to turn her away, at a
perly in the way of it; but that as such a proposal might
even unbounded debauchery, she did not take even a delight
at about half a mile distance form any other habitation,
oppose the least struggle, even that of the modesty of my
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herself, and content with having settled the order of battle,
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port myself, I was obliged to employ them all to keep his
who sat, not having strength to stand, as cold and as life-
With this stripling, all whose art of love was the
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"My first emotions at the sight of this youth, naked in
preserved so much of the woman as to feign just reluctance
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agreed to keep together till we got to our journey's end.
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had swam in. I lay stretching out, glowingly alive all over,
lad had given birth to distracted me with the most killing
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and blood appeared under no disgrace form the lowness of a
for thinking, the maid came in with her mistress's service,
more cloaths than the ordinary ones I had on my back, and
ing thither; all my animal spirits then rush'd mechanically
nineteen, fresh as a rose, well shap'd and clever limb'd: in
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having taken a solid sincere affection to me, he would begin
mine was so strong to the forbidden pleasure, that it got
self, and recommending me to my repose, left me much at ease
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ignorant how, or by what means to effect it: but was it for
to my self and to all the terrors of an imagination, wounded
Whilst I was thus making these laudable dispositions,
my own conduct, and turned loose upon the town, to sink or
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down his maiden tribute), he still kept his post, yet unsated
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of my bed-chamber, a latch, that I governed by a wire, des-
ing the issue. Mr. H . . . sat down on a chair whilst we
tion of sentiments, so soften'd by this sight, that now,
his outward form, and especially in that superb piece of
and alarmed by a flounce, and the noise of splashing in the
shapely, healthy country lad, breathing the sweets of fresh
. . was above. I stept up-stairs into my own bed-chamber,
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and my sighs seem'd to lighten me of a load that oppress'd
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to stop him by throwing myself at his feet. He shook me off,
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give you a week's warning to go out of these lodgings;
break upon his triumphs, delivered me up to the refresh-
one that had got that advantage over me, no matter how ob-
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He did not return till six in the evening to take me
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and childless aunt, housekeeper to my lord N . . ., at his
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with every article of conveniency and luxury; and above all,
On my entrance into the room, I had the satisfaction to
the innocent; and that, for the rest, I was entirely at his
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go on. Amongst all the beauties of our sex that I had be-
provoked without satisfying it: pursuing then its darling
feeling of them. My health return'd to me, though I still
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return'd to his master before he was missed; but, at taking
length breathless on the bed in an amorous melting trance.
so that we might both feel that he had gain'd a lodgement.
when they wielded the battle-ax: whose race is now so
favourite quarters, that she could no longer refuse repair-
breasts, now round and plump, feeling that part of me I might
will appear the more excusable, since I certainly was not
too open to be miss'd. He is now upon me: I had placed
its instant taking fire upon the touch, and glowing with a
as if I had been actuated by a fear of losing him, in the
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discover'd the swell and commotion there; and as I was now
for which he appeal'd to Mrs. Jones, there present, but
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sort, drew near me; and under the pretence of comforting me,
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real cause. But here the woman saved me: I pretended a
tled well in the passage, he makes his way up the straits
as he told me, on doing the honours of my new apartment.
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We soon got to my lodgings, which, though not so hand-
placing it between my thighs, took from me the enjoyment of
myself a mischief.
then to me, with exquisite consent, as I melted away, his
door and window fac'd upon. Here I fell into a gentle
receive them; there feeling, and most gently indeed, squeez-
young woman was upon some design of frolic or diversion with
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tears, in substance as follows: that I never had a single
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could both see and feel a stiff hard body, confin'd by his
think much more harm of going to bed with the young man than
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cue of disappearing; no longer so fit for personal service
least, all the advances to encourage him: his body was now
the richest soup, which her experience in these matters had
On the landing-place of the first pair of stairs, we
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were, of course, no foundation for a love either very deli-
the point of answering my pressing demands of present case;
pretty a piece of woman's meat as you could see, and I
vating circumstances, though he was ignorant of them, since
might, at least, enjoy my affliction in quiet. This he
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that this lad, who was, I suppose, acquainted with my relation
could dispute excellence with her's; it was not delicate,
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and lived up to the text, they did not enthusiastically set
could not bear the thought of, so much ashamed and con-
Though I should have been charm'd to see him before
panted after.
the gentlemen I should be presented to were, by their rank
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possible to his attempts, which were untoward enough, for
occasions. I lay then at length panting for the imminent
me? . . . could he love such a one as I was? . . . and the
heart who dispute it! I could not see this amiable criminal,
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hands, that wandered not without design, I found he lan-
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that without affecting my heart, insur'd him my fidelity, no
humour'd. But he did not long abuse my patience, for the
women, very demurely employ'd on millinery work, which was
requir'd by the nicer judges of beauty; her eyes were blue,
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of that sort, and that his constant generosity, politeness,
with desire, they rose and fell, in quick heaves, under his
same air of frankness as I had ever receiv'd him. He stayed
Mr. H . . ., so experienc'd, so learned in the ways of
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show me if I would let him; and, without waiting for my
take, with his eyes riveted on my bosom, which was, through
his eyes lighten with joy, in seeing me in a situation as
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engaging circumstances of the sight and incendiary touch of
for the reception I design'd him; and, as I laid it, he
prettier than her mouth and lips, which clos'd over a range
very little, but made it up emphatically with action; and,
most tempting disorder: no stay, no hoop . . . no incum-
that your clearing that rascal there, is fair and honest in
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Had I consider'd this escapade of Mr. H . . . in no
soon banish'd all reserve; the conversation grew as lively
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reason on your side, as to have changed my resolutions, in
comparison it made between those delicious tete-a-tetes with
This point thus adjusted, the young women left Mrs.
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and submission to it was my only part. Soon after he married
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cule of mincing metaphors and affected circumlocutions, is
holds upon my inclinations as were not easily to be shaken
richer far than that I have heard of some queen treating her
where wildly looking round for the young man, and missing
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faint away again at the sense of what had befallen me. The
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instant, discharge my debt entirely to my landlady and give
fortunes and is willing to serve you; you must be better
only; in short, my anger ebbed so fast, and the tide of love
by its powerful instinct in taking pleasure by its right
what I suffer'd, I suffer'd out of a kind of gratitude, and
the wonder: so that he could neither disapprove it nor find
necessary ones. About a month after our first intercourse,
voice and a sort of tussle, which raising my curiosity, I
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and yet too much a novice not to be afraid of my withholding
fled before me, and tantalized with that unknown something
myself into worse, or into better hands in all London: into
lived with Mr. H . . ., where she had made errands to sell
distinction of birth, or station.
was not able to defeat, and now scarce regretted: for as he
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of the first launch into vice (for my love-attachment to
constitution, against the friendly efforts of death, which I
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with which he furiously pursu'd his penetration, made me
and told her my condition; adding that I would sell what few
gave it the air of a flesh brush; and soon I felt it join-
and handle those parts which attract and concentre the
in looking at me was love, or desire; but his eyes, naturally
what he had done; and therefore hoped, whatever he deter-
compliance with her customers; no schemes of pleasure, or
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me some millinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated her-
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to do him justice, he never gave me the least reason to
his mother's bed, he readily concluded, from her descrip-
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to the bed, on which laying me gently down, and having me at
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me to perfect composure; and delighted as I was with the
each motion of pure undissembled nature, betrayed by his
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our points of mutual touch increas'd in that so vital part
fear of again offending, he ventured to kiss my lips, which
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my breast like a mad-woman. But when my new master, for in
broad bermilion head, I first gave the youth a re-encourag-
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on my recovery, the merit of which she took entirely to her-
himself have attended me during my sickness; that on his
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myself to all his wishes, he scarce pleased himself more
my just hate, on his knees, bedewing my hand with his tears,
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of goods into the trade of the house. They gathered round
to any of my female acquaintances, I listened the easier to
high time to put a period to this.
plentifully, with my tears, the face of the frightened youth,
consider what I should do. My first scheme, naturally, was
were, if not at an end, at least suspended: my heart, which
gentleness, that it would be my own fault, if she was forc'd
pen and ink, which the landlady was prepar'd for, paid her
first essay of the pleasures of the house. He saluted me
abroad, and lay as it were expecting the longed-for relief,
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waiting at the hand of time for those fruits of generosity
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of it while combing; sometimes a neat leg, that had unfor-
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self-knowledge I could devise, in search of the pleasure that
change, knew too well not to seize it; he thrust the table
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determined me to fly their house, and throw myself on the
mounted them round his hips, and coming out with his drawn
and I might also say, grown under my constant touch and
stole softly to the door, where a knot in the wood had been
trusty maid-servant, who served in the shop, for we had not
to accompany her: the party was settled, when I do not know
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But Mrs. Cole, in opposition to this, assured me that
just arriv'd in town from college, and came familiarly to
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black, play'd to his face in natural side-curls, and was set
sent a friend of her's, on the day appointed for my removal,
an instant, down he went. I had heard of such things as a
roused me just in time enough to be witness of a triumph I
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mercy.
present before your eyes; the other give life to the colours
scent of his game, but unbroken to the sport: and, to carry
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suppose, the very good reason why so few of them ever do
answer, which he prevented by stopping my mouth with kisses
had wet every thing round it; in short, the different feel
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sinking, which in my extreme ignorance I had mistaken for
still return'd upon me in certain melancholic, moments with
favourable to his loosest wishes as if he had bespoke the
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friction, raised the titillation on me to its height; so
where they are dull, or worn with too frequent handling.
black mossy tuft, out of which appeared to emerge a round,
torn to pieces before I came to this age, as much through
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smooth'd and re-pruned, had resumed its wonted curl and
As to Mr. H . . ., he was so much my superior in every
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a little up. The misfortune I had now brought upon him,
arm under my body, drew me gently towards him, as if to keep
full range of a spacious lonely house and gardens, situate
flaxen hair, a little flapp'd hat, kersey frock, yarn stock-
pursuance of her plan, put on a false pity, and bidding me
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so much out of my usual sense, so subdu'd by the present
Louisa, the brunette whom I mentioned at first, now
In the midst of all the frolic and wantonnesses, which
soon created as unreserv'd a freedom and intimacy as if we
As love never had, so now revenge had no longer any
fiery fingers, more and more stiff and considerable, till
letting him see, as if without meaning or design, sometimes
the shop, as he supposed, unperceiv'd, when finding me asleep,
could have happened to him.
length, winning his way inch by inch, gets entirely in, and
course of pleasure, in a natural burst of tender gratitude
point, and at length an irresistible thrust murdered at once
to bite at such a bait, but they were such generous bene-
shoe-buckles and a silver thimble. Thus equipp'd, with no
would come to a right understanding in our affairs. To all
colour'd prodigiously), and that my resentment at that,
cerning the extreme difficulty of continuing so long in one
motive of her taking to me so affectionately as she did. It
except, perhaps, a straggling cottage or so.
of necessity for me to go into bed: slipping then my cloaths
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to heed much the pain that followed: I thought nothing too
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but they had been effectually brought to sacrifice all jeal-
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loose dishabille, now panted and throbb'd, less with in-
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softish, limber, white something, that played every way,
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thicket of curls, which covered his belly to the navel and
ungratefully forgotten, or suppress'd by me, because I found
saw us precisely in these convicting attitudes.
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As confused as I was, I heard him very distinctly turn
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and streamed inexpressible sweetness, and nothing could be
the spot, who hesitated not to comply with my humour: I was
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face of yours. What! sorrows are only for a time; come, be
Cole had, I do not know how unless by one of those unaccount-
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the resemblance of a heart, I applied to its proper mark,
or constraint.
me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fix'd and charm-
but that part chiefly, by a kind of natural instinct,
which cover'd the essential object of enjoyment, I plainly
business immediately lay. I rais'd then my head, and told
pleasing, with which nature has endowed a handsome person,
and a small silver porringer of what she called a bridal
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your cast of breeding and sentiments that I should enter
seat in the county of . . ., where she brought me up with
Mr. H . . . had clap'd a livery upon him; and his chief
object had yet presented that could overcome the habitual
limbs were, if possible, too well made, since their plump
tification which was to follow unknown to me; and taking a
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explanations with him, had driven me to a course that I did
to retighten that strict compression of its mantlings and
stay the evening with me, and went out.
free, here is a worthy gentleman who has heard of your mis-
After having consum'd the morning in the endearments
could not escape observing so remarkable a distinction as a
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then wearying and fatiguing myself with grasping shadows,
come to myself till I was rous'd out of it by a sense of
a less difficult entrance than perhaps he had flatter'd him-
was kneeling at my bed-side, and begging my pardon for his
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my discovery till a safer season, when Mr. H . . . should
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prove that the appearances of his vigour were not signs
you. Renew with you I cannot: the affront is too gross. I
on one of his fingers, the lustre of which play'd in my eyes
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take. He seem'd to me no other than a pitying angel, dropt
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as made me tremble for fear of a discovery from the condi-
maiden state for womanhood. The proposal was approv'd, with
and glow in his cheeks: then certain slight squeezes by the
repair it by marrying a pastry-cook here in London, in
curious research, notwithstanding also the laxity that
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Giddy and intoxicated as I was with such satiating
my dear youth, which, though often suspended or diverted,
firm texture of limbs, his square shoulders, broad chest,
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not he could not unlock the twist of my thighs; I gently
upon my memory, after so deep an impression: but, besides
than me when, having insinuated his hand under my petticoat
along the bank to the house, without his seeing me: which I
on the figure, who could better TREAD THE WOOD than he, or
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Cole to talk and concert matters with me: she explained to
drop of my blood chill'd, and my fright acted so strongly
found me perfectly to his taste and given her a commission
There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine
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him still, my fright and concern sunk me down in a deep
point of swooning. My landlady, who wanted only to terrify
not without pain too did I deflower myself as far as it
ately catching gently hold of his shirt sleeve, drew him
heightener; but their maxim was, that it was an impertinent
swim, as I could manage with the current of it; and what
the first sight of his place of execution, I was on the
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attack, with wishes far beyond my fears, and for which it
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To all his speeches, however, I answer'd only in tears
in promoting: into a better, because nobody having had more
terrors; insomuch, that my concern giving the wings, I flew
upon me, that, turning as pale and faint as a criminal at
enough his own master not to make it. Leaving me then just
too far advanc'd to stop in so fair a way, and was indeed no
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stripling already nestled, and the touch of his warm flesh
severe watchfulness, the marks of a slip which she did not
impatience to be taken notice of, and come into play: al-
frighten'd at every foot or noise I heard behind me, I
way and completely triumphed over my virginity, as he might
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sum of money than that I saw paid for me, I had spurn'd the
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of his purpose: for, whilst he hesitated there, the crisis
stretched out, in a delicious languor diffus'd over all my
dignation than with fear and bashfulness at being used so
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Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him
the suggestions of my landlady, been led to see me, he had
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. . open'd my room-door softly, and came in, now undress'd
I could not immediately familiarize myself to all that air
to manage this nice point for me, if I would accept of her
to rush in and upbraid them; this, indeed, flatter'd my
which they thirstily express and draw in like the hot-
brag of having out-dissembled me: for I kept up, nobly, the
in a rare alliance of pleasure with interest, and of a
just to look up to him, and observed his figure, which was
nature one of pleasure, suppos'd an exclusion of all force
I was far from disrelishing, he got upon me, and inserting
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long suffer me to languish under it. He acquainted me that,
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be averse to follow, since it was to him I was devolv'd in
state we had pretenced to. Whilst we were in this quandary,
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unseen and safe, I ventur'd by degrees to cast my eyes on an
of it, with a difficulty nothing more than pleasing, widen-
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I opened the door into the dining room, where I found the
he soon gave nature such a powerful summons down to her
rassed how to dispose of myself: I kept some time betwixt
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of pleasure overtook him, and the close compressure of the
I was now establish'd the kept mistress in form, well
the sultriness of the day, had been tempted by the freshness
shall only add, however, that I got home without the least
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THE END OF THE FIRST LETTER
his stiffness, which had scarce perceptibly remitted, being
Charles never appear'd to me in that light). I was instant-
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was only rest I wanted. This injunction probably prov'd of
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all the moisture within its sphere of exsuction. Chiming
and tossing with burning impatience for the renewal of joys
question: glad, however, I was from my soul, that nothing
there, in a wretched room, with a bed answerable, we were
I expected then, but without wishing it, that he would
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"But how quick is the shift of passions from one extreme
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tions acknowledged excess of pleasure, which I now began to
As to Mr. H . . ., though views of conveniency made
stitution would, in the height of their humours style them-
acquaintance with that mysterious mark, the cloven stamp of
tion, and stunn'd with the terrors of a jail, my defeat
because I had her of Mr. H . . ., but that I suspected her
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them in the highest contempt: they with whom the pure native
step-father died and left my mother in tolerable circum-
and yielding to the force of the emotion, gave down, as
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would probably, sooner or later, come to it, it was equally
the extreme self-agitations I had used to come at it, had
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slumber, I found my hand lock'd in that of a young man, who
of pain however prevailing, from his prodigious size and
my emotions, and gave all my concern to reflections on what
the impetuosity of motion I was mistress of. The downy
but then I had not the least thought of harm. But, oh! how
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Finding then every thing in due tone and order, I
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reduc'd to this course, which she pursued, partly through
having too much regarded my tender exclaims; for now, more
tered out his message, I could observe his colour rise, and
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before this entire stranger: "Come, Miss Fanny," says she,
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it certainly was, I met with too much good will, I felt with
be of a good heart: Things, she said, would not be so bad
care for my interest, hardly heard of in those of her pro-
like a hue-and-cry thro' every part of my body; I burnt,
toilet, where I was dressing; and by carelessly shewing or
with ever the least motion or whirling eddy. I cannot say
and whispering to myself a kind of tacit vow of inconti-
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When I saw him thus mov'd, and fired for my purpose, I
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out of the clouds: for he was young and perfectly handsome,
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in us, to the men, the very jet of their pleasure, I ow'd,
raise and ennoble him, to me, at least? Let who would,
disown'd her procedure, and how far he was from taking any
seemed transported with the view of all my person at full
to myself; and as all this circle of reflections was in-
more at his new liberty, he got under the bed-cloaths I held
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away in my arms, melting in a flood that shot in genial
powerful are the instincts of nature! how little is there
As for the wench, she was now spoil'd, at least for my
they composed the chief support of her house, and made very
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blemish, she found means, after she had dropt her burthen
thick, indriven engine, sensible, at once, to the ravishing
emerged, before I fell into the swoon, in which, as he rose,
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truth of things came out, I was told that he died, not
father and mother were, and for aught I know, are still,
though he seemed greatly mov'd too, and took Will away with
occasion of obliging and humouring his young desires, I
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regret to take my leave of a landlady whom I thought I had
of stout, plump, substantial thighs, and tolerably white; he
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redemption from it.
either to reject or grant his suit, as he was much above
lihood there was of compassing an acquaintance with him, or
and reconcile me to my fate, he told me that his name was
wretched body: and, wanting life, spirits, or courage to
female distinction, tho' nobody better qualify'd than he to
The maid, as soon as I was lain down, took the candle
nor had he, perhaps, thought me worth softening that superi-
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will compose the matter of another letter: for surely it is
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that stood in a corner of the dining room; to which the girl
that instrument of the mischief which was now, obviously
that manhood he was so nobly stock'd with; and it now fell
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excess, the riot of joys, in having his wantonness thus
which lay as finely elevated as we could wish; my hips
endeavour'd to detain him in town, and would have spared
might pass for no bad image of our ancient sturdy barons,
all this, I was far from happy; for, besides my regret for
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turn'd them into torments. I was still gazing, with all
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powerfully afflicted, he drew out his purse, and calling for
care should be hereditary, but we no more choose our pas-
thought myself permitted to aim at him, I begged of him,
I had nothing of a novice to deal with. The impressions I
the fondest love, embitter'd with the consciousness that I
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assent: for, as he laughingly added, he fancied the instru-
desires, he had wreak'd his passion on a mere lifeless,
their sisters.
had overflow'd in, all of a sudden presented no view before
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which time he made me fully sensible of the virtues of his
separation from him!
fectly at my liberty to refuse the party, which being in its
revenge had been out of the question; any woman, I say, who
it too much at heart. Mr. H . . . had, about a fortnight
was consummately at the top of her profession, and dealt
he took me in his arms at all hazards, and carried me into
cloth of our meeting mounts was now of real use to break
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to that center of attraction, and presently, inly warmed,
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myself as so much in his power that I endur'd his kisses and
We visited one another in form, and mimic'd, as near
instant effect, quicken'd, and brought on upon the spur the
self so far into my confidence that I threw myself blindly
acquaintance with her than seeing her at my lodgings when I
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spected the condition I was in, he got off, and after re-
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resided in the favourite center of sense, and who was rul'd
clear as to the consequences to be apprehended from such a
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to assuage the violence of my sufferings, and to numb my
nor did I make myself one single reproach for having, by
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from quarters of which the warmth and closeness had given
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life that I could neither night nor day be at peace with it
threw myself, having her reasons of state, respecting Mr.
I had been maintain'd in; and though there was scarce one
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the BONNE BOUCHE of a duchess; and, to say the truth, my
of interest, I had reason to be pleas'd that he found, in my
striking assemblage of figure and colours in nature. In
as I imagined if I would be but my own friend; and closed
and which I was not to think such a violent explanation, as
But I was, myself, far from being pleas'd with his
As soon as she was gone, the table was remov'd form the
nency, enters Mr. H . . . The consciousness of what I had
their secret grief that it was no worse with me. Unaccount-
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myself, for having abused him in so unworthy a manner, with
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to proceed to such extremities; but she believ'd there was
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height of my fury I twisted my legs round his naked loins,
whilst I was an infant, I fell under the care of a widow
gave me to hail the approaches of the second period: it came
away to my new lodgings; and my moveables being soon pack'd,
with me; I lived but in what I felt only. And who could
as we could, all the miseries, the follies, and imperti-
when they die of a surfeit of satisfaction!
and reliev'd by his absence.
ing kiss, which he repaid me with a fervour that seem'd at
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to have been cheaply off, if I had not push'd my revenge
cry out gently: "Oh! my dear, you hurt me!" This was
And why should I here suppress the delight I received
hundred pound's value, I had them convey'd into a coach,
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he makes all shake again, and put, once more, all within me
hearts, tenderly and truly united, club to exalt the joy,
entirely faultless; for that, in the view of making him the
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something of the shape of what I pined for, I worked my way
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had, by the bye, been his sole object and passion, and
saw me retriev'd into a condition of answering her purpose,
to me, since it prov'd that I pleased him; which, I assure
them all, in approval of my docility and good nature. Now
young gentleman escaping then, and many more times undis-
"Here, according to the rule laid down, I should stop;
it would not otherwise keep shut.
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of this amusement was desired to begin.
charm? Oh! but, say you, this was a young fellow of too
into me, where, now myself too much melted to give it a dry
lay palpitating, till the ferment of my sense subsiding by
ousy, or competition of charms, to a common interest, and
blew the fire that consumed me. I was yet worse when, yield-
that did not perfectly detest her keeper, and, of course,
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with telling me she had brought a very honourable gentleman
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sometimes at the other, with a mixture of indignation and
enemy, and gave it no quarter wherever they met with it.
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not have known what to say.
behind me, could hardly betray any one's being there to
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Tho' he was some time awake before me, yet did he not
and instructions of my new acquaintance, we went to dinner,
mixture, and dash'd the cup so as to spoil the sincere draught
up in raptures of admiration of things so interesting by
longer stand so effectual a picklock, but yield, and open
the sisterhood, who had soon got wind of my misfortune,
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and stiff staring truncheon, red-topt and rooted into a
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fiery touches had rekindled there, my young sportsman, em-
without order or ceremony. The delicate cheer and good wine
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to another! and how little are they acquainted with the human
way to remark to you that it was late in the evening before
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(in which every sense seem'd lost for a while, whilst, with
utterly passive, till the piercing pain rous'd and made me
But as the time approached for me to come to some
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digious prize, when figuring to myself that my fingers were
of whom she kept a competent number of her daughters in
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eral companions of his pleasures, with their mistresses;
broad and blueish-casted incarnate of the head, and blue
left in the power of my poor person to bestow, after he had
tener met with, purer, and more unsophisticate, that among
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country-wench, and no more strange than hunger, or even a
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risks, even of the worst consequences, he could not find in
neighbourhood, where I us'd to stay longer, I found the
invited us to lodge there. Glad of any cover, we went in,
finding me so absolutely engag'd to another, he had lost all
were instantly subdued by those of the pleasure I bespoke
I was indeed not equal to the management of, could possibly
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me, ask'd me, with an even firm tone of voice, neither soft
been in town not having afforded him one, was hitherto an
was scarce twelve years old before that part which she
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the charm of their novelty and surprize? when that part of
a charge to her at the same time not to disturb me, as it
prelude that pleasure deepen'd my blushes at, more than
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was in, and Mr. H . . ., after bidding me take care of my-
thighs, which were extremely warm; there he lodged and
der, soft system of mine might have sustained from the shock
now looking on myself as bought by the payment that had been
ously dilated, gave way to his thus assisted impetuosity,
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disposed me too much to receive his embraces. He gave in to
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Part 6
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tive of itself, by hurrying on the final period, and closing
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lov'd him, and his leaving me gave me a sort of liberty that
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I desir'd him, then, to bolt it on the inside, pretending
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shame. But when his hand, and touches, naturally attracted
even to me, who had scarce had snatches of a comparative
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which these charming girls gave me all the marks of a welcome
and detain'd there by a power he could better account for
This continuation of that grateful stricture which is
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eagerness to his prey: when, finding me still entranced, he
his smooth beardless chin, I asked him if he was afraid of
to drink tea with me, who would give me the best advice how
sense of actual pleasure, the widen'd wounded passage refunded
acquaintance by one ot the Misses that visited me, upon
by a gentleman whom I certainly did not deserve. And all the
site whiteness was not a little set off by a sprout of black
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slipt out and afforded a very commanding peep-hole to the
wide spread and mounted over the arms of the chair, present-
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small but exactly fashion'd limbs. Her complexion, fair as
welcomed and saluted by a kiss all round, in which, however,
taining him that happiness; but, that to shew me how much he
boldness: but that being a son to the lady to whom this bed-
on earth could be dearer to me than this rifler of my virgin
"This affair had however no ruinous consequences, the
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give fire to the old train, I began no longer to look with
tageous proposals; but whether nature was slow in making me
My maid I had discharged the day before, not only
I imagined, indeed, that you would have been cloy'd and
the power of all my modesty to command my eye away from it;
for the disadvantage I am necessarily under in that respect,
of my life, is sublime enough to impeach me of any vanity in
touch: at this, the boy's eyes began to lighten with all
positively refused, for fear, as he pretended, I should do
At these words he went out, after my vainly attempting
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solicitous to save, but taken at such an advantage in my
yields, and, stretch'd to its utmost bearing, by the stiff,
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my hand thither, to inform myself of the state and posture
objects before him had now put him by all his, and, coming
ruin. But when, soon after, he made his second attack, sore
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satisfaction of keeping him with me. He had such powerful
all the forwarding motions and arts my experience suggested
call a furnace-mouth, from the prodigious intense heat his
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tacit blushing consent all the gratifications of pleasure
been cast, whilst his floating locks played over a neck and
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it rather more delicate and affecting.
blood, and the sense of my condition, had (as he told me
senses in the poignancy of variety, and the charms of ease
industry, strong to aid him, he pierces, penetrates, and at
sations in it, demolish'd at once all my girlish playthings
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house, their respective apartments, which were furnished
him taking the last liberties with my servant-wench (here he
enough to check the tender respectful boy even in his mid-
way for himself, and fixed me to his purpose; whilst I was
home, where she consign'd me into the hands of an old
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love, in which the members found so sensibly their account,
But nature could not long endure a pleasure that so highly
home; and after a short pause, as if to pull off my things,
gles I could use, some of which only served to further his
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What his designs or ideas were, I know not: the innocence of
He stayed with me that evening, and we had a supper
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At this so delicate and eloquent harangue, the gentle-
I had only taken notice of the comeliness of the youth, but
worse, and as things turn'd out, probably nothing better
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by giving me one leading mark of it by removing me out of a
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wide world; but, at length, an accident forc'd me on this
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the key, and lock the chamber-door upon us, so that there
If I have delay'd the sequel of my history, it has been
sweets: he was every thing to me now. How we agreed to join
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thing else was as easy and commodious as one could desire.
of having some how or other been the occasion of his dis-
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Had I lov'd this man, it was not in nature for me to
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corroding thoughts my heart had been a prey to ever since
till fired, as he said, beyond all bearing by the sight and
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for which I should have made a conscience to die in his debt.
to be owing to it, the inconceivable fondness this unknown
compact hard muscles, in short a system of namliness that
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violence, or my own consent, there was no opening it from
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of new face upon the town, that it was an established rule,
lay I inactive on my side, but encountering him with all
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for beginning the country-dances was received with instant
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joined company with us.
betray'd me into indiscretions fatal to my private fortune,
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full as convenient, and at half price, though on the first
decry'd than disused. I should have held it ingratitude to
H . . ., from whom I concluded myself, as I really was,
but a little while, made some excuse for not being able to
pose, to lose any time, observing my silence and shyness
step, I began to doubt whether it was not better to dissemble
But when, by certain motions, certain unquietnesses of his
thought I had no longer a right to refuse the caresses of
and joy, at the new scenes of bliss I had opened to him:
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the letter, which he held out, awkwardly enough, for me to
only daughter whom she had lost at my age, was the first
My lips, which I threw in his way, so as that he could
pleasures, in the practice of which too, the choice familiars
from a neighbouring tavern, after which, and a gay glass
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The first sight that struck me was Mr. H . . . pulling
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and sensation was now totally concentre'd.
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never, that I remember'd, seen the gentleman before), sets a
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his kisses, imprinted on my hand, were taken as tamely as he
and lie down on our lodger's bed, mine not being made, with
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part, that nature had done enough for me, to set me above
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pieces on my account, with which, and every debt paid, I
gently twitched the overgrowing moss; and all proclaimed the
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well pleas'd with their parts not to wish them an eternity
interrupting himself, between whiles, with kisses, touches
marry'd him: and I am sure there was, at least, one good
up to receive him, and was now in bed with a woman for the
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somewhat appeas'd, now wrought so far on him that at all
so artfully as to insinuate the most soothing consolations
of reserve or modesty, which they look'd on as the poison
feel my sex the first time. He had now changed his pos-
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eyes intently directed to it, till his getting upon me, and
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He was, however, so regardful as not to attempt the re-